


An Acceptable Substitute

by WilliamTheB



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 07, some reluctance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-27
Updated: 2011-07-27
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilliamTheB/pseuds/WilliamTheB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anya asks Spike to try to fill the void left by Xander.  It goes about how one might expect.</p>
<p>Written for the "Women on Top" kink meme, first posted here: http://catbirdfish.livejournal.com/55443.html?thread=356243#t356243.  Based on an ever_neutral prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Acceptable Substitute

“Anya, I really don’t think this is—”

“Quiet!” Anya yelled out. “You promised me an evening out. I thought you were Mr. ‘ooh, I made a promise to a lady’! I bet you'd never break a promise to her.”

Spike looked down. He was used to some right nasty things with Buffy. But this, this was a little….

“Um, okay. So what do I do again?”

Anya smiled. “OK, so here is what you do.” She carted over the dummy from Spike’s crypt. “A little blonde. You have any other wigs?”

“Uh, just the one. It was kind of supposed to be a slayer thing—”

“Ugh, if I have to hear her name one more time.”

“Actually, I didn’t say her na—”

“I’m sorry, you were talking, okay. Geez, no wonder she stopped boning you. Okay, ideally we’d have a few dozen wigs, so we could do it for every one of my fabulous hairstyles! But we can work on it.” Anya nodded. “Of course, we should do something with your hair, too….”

“Hey, watch it!”

“Spike!”

“I mean. OK, well, um. I guess maybe a wig…”

“Well, a wig would be a start. Maybe we could just put some dirt in your hair for starters.” She reached down and picked up some clumps of dirt and put them straight on Spike’s head. The dirt rolled off his head and started smearing his face. He stood motionless. “Excellent!” she said. “Well, terrible, but it’s okay, A for effort. Well, B, maybe.”

Spike sighed. “Can we just get this started then?”

Anya considered the smudgy faced man in front of her. He was a little too gaunt, and, well, the dirt hadn’t actually worked at all, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “OK! Now, you do what I told you.”

Spike stammered out, “Are you sure this is healthy?”

Anya replied, “Look, it’s this or I go eviscerating. Is that what you want, Spike? Maybe you don’t have a very good soul if that’s what you want!”

Spike sighed and turned to the mannequin. In a rough, awkward pseudo-American English, he muttered, “Hi, Anya, my name is Xanderrrrr. I would like to marry you.”

He looked back at Anya. She nodded, expectantly. 

He grabbed a hold of the mannequin and started moving it, as if the mannequin were talking. In an awkward, high pitched voice, he said, “Oh, okay, despite your ungainly frame and lack of career prospects compared to my business expertise, I will marry you, Xander! Because I am very charitable.”

Spike went back to his Xander-voice. “Actually, no, I won’t!”

Anya stepped in. “AHA! Now I will perform vengeance for this poor, poor woman, and rather than give her powers back and then have her have all this awful guilt and stupid feelings, I will deal with you myself. Bam!” She hit him on the head. It didn’t hurt, except his pride. “Bam!” She hit him again. “Now, I will have revenge sex with you!”

Spike interjected, “Wait, why would a sodding vengeance demon have — ”

Anya replied, “Spike! You’re breaking character!”

Spike sighed. “Why would a, um, damn, vengeance demon be trying to have sex with—”

Anya slapped him. “Quiet, fiend! Now you will be sentenced to giving me orgasms!”

Spike closed his eyes and sighed once again as she pounced.


End file.
